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Thursday, January 31, 2013

E.L. James needs to shut her ignorant mouth about abuse.

Dear Readers:

Since I've started on the long (the very, very, very long) journey of blogging about 50 Shades and why the relationship at its core is a predatory, abusive one between an aggressive stalker and his victim, a lot of women have come to me and said, "this is just like the abusive relationship I was in," or "this reminds me of the ex who tried to stab me in the throat with a screwdriver." I'm beyond horrified at the number of emails and comments I've received from women who have had their own "Christian Grey" and managed to escape him. This shouldn't be happening as often as it does, and the only reason it does is because our culture tells us that as women, we need to be first and foremost available for male attention - and to not make ourselves so is to be rude and not a very nice woman.

So, when Emma sent me a link with E.L. running her ignorant mouth about allegations of abuse in her books, I lost my fucking mind:
James says she "freaks out when she hears people say that her book encourages domestic violence. "Nothing freaks me out more than people who say this is about domestic abuse," she says. "Bringing up my book in this context trivializes the issues, doing women who actually go through it a huge disservice. It also demonizes loads of women who enjoy this lifestyle, and ignores the many, many women who tell me they've found the books sexually empowering."
One would think that since she has at minimum a third-grade understanding of the English language, E.L. James would be able to understand a few core concepts.
  1. No one is talking about BDSM being abusive, you fucking lunatic. The elements of the relationship that are abusive have nothing to do with the incredibly mild BDSM in the book. Even though the BDSM is shitty and unsafe and portrayed as a mental disease, the BDSM sequences aren't really where the abuse happens. The abuse happens in all the places where Christian asserts his dominance over Ana outside of the bedroom, by stalking her (showing up at her work, following her across the country when she's asked him for space, putting money into her bank account - the number for which he got through a private investigator), refusing her any agency (she must be followed by his "security team" - read: spies - anywhere she goes, her clothes are purchased for her by a shopper who knows Christian's tastes, he even tells her when and what to eat and bought her job), and getting her drunk (read: drugging her) to get her to consent to shit she doesn't want to do. All that stuff is abusive. Tying her up and making her listen to Medieval chant while he fucks her? No one thinks that's abusive.
  2. Bringing up the abuse in your book doesn't trivialize the issue, you fucking lunatic. You know what does trivialize the issue? Ignoring very real concerns about the abuse in the book because you don't want to admit you're just a shitty writer or a shitty person and you don't care about abused women at all because you're making tons of money and omg, everyone is being so mean about the shitty book you wrote about a shitty guy who abuses a woman. Talking about an issue in a serious way doesn't "trivialize" it. It brings awareness to people who might have been wrong in their thinking. The only problem is, the people - like E.L. James - who most need to listen and learn about why they're propagating dangerous cultural stereotypes about what women need or want, refuse to listen. So, by dismissing the issue, E.L., you're really the one doing the trivializing. 
  3. Protecting women from abuse doesn't endanger the sexual preferences of women who like BDSM. Look, I'm going to say it. I love to be submissive during sex. I love to get spanked, bitten, slapped, choked, I like to have my hair pulled, to get fucked hard, you name something perverted and I am into it, so long as the person doing it to me is calling me a cheap slut while he's doing it (and also as long as it's Safe, Sane, and Consensual). Do I realize that some people feel that's dirty, bad, and wrong? Yeah, but fuck them. Because it doesn't matter if other people think that I'm gross or depraved or fucked in the head, because I know that's not the case. There's no reason for anyone to try to protect me from what I want to do in the bedroom. And I don't need E.L. James to defend my lifestyle choices, either, so she doesn't need to be the champion for all the poor, repressed women out there who like BDSM. There is, however, lots of reasons that we need to protect women who are being abused from abuse, namely because our culture won't. It's not setting back the sexual revolution to call out Christian Grey as an abuser pretending to be a Dom. It's not taking away the sexual agency of women who like to masturbate to 50 Shades. It's not "either, or" here. We can say, "Yes, freedom of sexual exploration is amazing, and what you do in your bedroom is not anyone else's business," while acknowledging that if the "Dom" attitude turns into an excuse to victimize and control a woman who doesn't want to be a 24/7 sub, it has crossed the line from sex play into abuse. People in the BDSM community WANT to talk about this type of thing, and they were talking about it at length BEFORE 50 Shades came along. Now, E.L. wants to shut down that whole conversation as a matter of feminism, or something? Why? Because women are too stupid to handle nuanced issues? Or just because we can't care about more than one thing at a time, and naturally jilling off to this piece of shit book is the highest priority, and we'll get to the abuse later?
  4. Women going through, or who have gone through, domestic abuse are not fucking thrilled with 50 Shades. Before E.L. tries to stand up and say that she's angry because highlighting the abuse in her books trivializes all those poor, battered women she supposedly cares so fucking much about, maybe she needs to talk to some of the women I've heard from. Maybe she needs to hear abuse victims saying, "You're wrong," so she could get it through her head. Oh, my bad. A lot of these same women HAVE tried to contact E.L. James, only to be blocked on twitter. That's right. If you try to contact E.L. James with your heartfelt plea for understanding, based on your own personal experience at the hands of an abuser like Christian Grey, you're going to find your twitter account blocked. Because she doesn't want to hear it. The inability to listen to even the mildest criticism of her perfect, perfect hottie, Christian Grey, proves that E.L. James doesn't get angry over those allegations on behalf of abused women. She doesn't give enough of a shit about them to read 140 fucking characters, unless those characters are all glowing praise for her master work. Yeah, she really fucking cares about abused women, so much so that she sees their real-life experiences as an attack against her glorious creation (that's making her so much money).
So, there you go. E.L. James cares so much about you, abuse survivors, that she's willing to prioritize a woman's right to be spanked over your right to not be stalked, intimidated, beaten, and controlled. She cares so much, that she won't even listen to you when you try to tell her what's wrong. And she's so, so terribly concerned about you that she doesn't want anyone to even talk about the abuse in her books or the potential for abuse in a BDSM relationship... because she doesn't want to upset you, and she knows best. Or something. I don't know, I'm honestly considering the possibility that this woman is gluing up before her public appearances.

Is E.L. James the real-life inspiration for Cheryl Tunt?

The bottom line is, this is a problem E.L. James could fix, easily. First of all, she has to drop this whole, "I want to protect abused women" bullshit line that is clearly not true at all. And she has to stop touting her books as some kind of sexual saving grace that women are learning and growing from. Then, when someone says, "Hey, Christian Grey is an abuser," she can say, "You're right. The relationship portrayed in my books is not a healthy one. However, as a fiction writer I am telling a story, not writing a how-to manual. If my books are encouraging women to be more open in their sexuality, I think that's great, but I would advise them to seek out other, nonfiction resources for instruction in the BDSM lifestyle. And I would ask them not to hold up the relationship between Christian Grey and Ana Steele as one to aspire to."

That's all she has to do. But she won't. Because at the end of the day, women, E.L. James doesn't give a shit about you, or your experiences. And she was only writing this for school, anyway, so OMG SHE DOESN'T CARE IF YOU LIKE IT!

(The link to the original story I took E.L.'s quote from is here, but be warned there are two auto-play videos of the same commercial badly out of sync at the top and bottom of the pages)

84 comments:

  1. Well said, Jenny. Also, EL just needs to shut the fuck up because she's an egocentric idiot. Can't stand her.

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  2. First off, thank you.

    I like to think, as someone who loves to weave tales, that some of the threads used in my storytelling, are threads of Me. My novel is at it's essence, my experience with domestic violence, and over coming the overwhelming sensation of breaking free and forging one's own path.

    That said, aside from all the Twilight rip-offs, what part of EviL James put of herself in her work to give it soul? None. That's because EviL James has no soul. She sold it.

    It's shit like this that makes me cringe for mankind. Hey, EviL, Abuse IS NOT Liberating! Quite the opposite, really.

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  3. Thanks, Jen, for standing up to this bullshit. I was in an abusive relationship years ago and if any guy tried to spank me he'd probably come away with a bloody stump or two. I tried to read the first book of FSOG and couldn't get past Chapter Five. I could tell from the writing style and the interaction between Chedward and Ana that there was going to be a huge imbalance to the relationship and that the book wasn't for me.

    My sister, who was also the victim of domestic violence, was going to try and read the first book I warned her of the content but also encouraged her to read it. I was curious to see if it was 'just me' reacting to the abusive tone. She gave up after Chapter Four. Surprisingly I have other female friends who I know have been in abusive relationships and who heartily endorse these books.

    I know the difference between abuse and BDSM. I don't know whether the author does. I assume at this point that she will never be willing to have an open, honest discussion about her work because she feels as though she is being victimized by the haters. Ironic? Perhaps.

    I don't know much about the publishing world, but had she received proper editorial guidance maybe these books would have turned out quite different from the waste of trees we have today?

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    1. In a heartbreaking twist, the popularity of these books and the praise heaped on them for being so "romantic" has helped normalize abuse. If you take a woman who is already having trouble accepting that she is or has been abused, and she received the societal message that control is really proof of love, it can be easier to adore the books making these women feel loved.

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  4. "'Nothing freaks me out more than people who say this is about domestic abuse,' she says."

    Let's play a game, and try to think of things that SHOULD freak E.L. James out, more than people saying that her book is about domestic abuse.

    #1) Domestic abuse

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    1. You win the internet. I'll send it priority.

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  5. Thanks for coming out! I can read between the lines just fine, and certainly never thought you were anti-BDSM, but I think your message here is stronger because you're being explicit (*ahem*) about your own perspective. Even if you did so in an articulate moment of rage,though I'm sure it's something you've been considering for a while.

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  6. Well said, Jenny. The BDSM parts are not what is infuriating about these books. I think I rage blacked out after reading that Christian knows Ana's body better than she does...twice! And she agreed with him...TWICE! *rage black out*

    That's what is disturbing about these books, the fact that the heroine is not growing into a matured and interesting character but rather regressing into a, well, a Stepford Wife. Ie: A sexbot with no self thought whatsoever. It's sad that nowadays society seems to be embracing what was once thought of as horrific enough to be a horror movie as some ideal to aspire to.

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  7. Has anyone else noticed the recent trend of what could be called the 'trivializing' defense, when people respond to being called on their problematic bullshit with 'I think you are trivializing the struggles of people who go through such-and-such thing which is MUCH worse!' I have definitely seen it a lot recently. It is a low derailing tactic. Also, I have noticed that whenever you call 50 Shades of Grey a book about an abusive relationship, if you don't quickly explain that it's not the fact that BDSM is in it that makes it abusive people tend to assume that's what you're referring to. People who haven't read the books hear 'it's a series of books about a relationship with BDSM' from people, instead of 'it's a series of books about a horrifically controlling man'. :(

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    1. It's absolutely a derailing tactic, and one that puts the person who is doing the derailing on some kind of false moral high ground. "I care about this soooo much more than you, because I can't even talk about it, so let's not. By the way, have you bought a copy of my book yet?"

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    2. It's like the cousin of the Oppression Olympics - no matter what the issue is, we're constantly reminded (by very sincere people) that no matter WHAT is happening, other people have it worse (insert group highlighted in the news lately here, or pet cause) and we should be grateful for our "first world problems," etc.

      I'd like to see her live with a real person version of Chedward for a week and not change her tune.

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    3. This is so true. Even my friends who have never read the book instantly came to its defense when I mentioned how terrible it is, especially for young girls, to be taught that this is the kind of man you would want. They just assumed I meant the BDSM aspect and said "hey, women should be allowed to have sexual fantasies about anything they want." Which I had never disputed, but it was automatically what they assumed I meant. On the other side of the coin, I don't think I would mind these books or their popularity if EL and the women who read it would just come out and say, "you know, this is an abusive guy, but as a sexual fantasy, that's what I'm into." I know I have plenty of sexual fantasies where I recognize this is definitely not something I would want in real life. I think if the women who enjoyed these books just recognized that this may be fun in a fantasy but shitty as a real ideal, the legitimacy of concern would be way down.

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    4. I'm more than a decade out of a relationship with my own Chedward (though he wasn't great in the sack) and I still have issued. Erica couldn't last a week living with fear of what could start while she's asleep.

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  8. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this . . . it should be required reading.

    I'd like to point one thing out, though: women are not the only ones in danger of abuse, or who may end up dismissing abuse as a result of these books. There are a scary number of young gay men who are in love with these books, and some of them have put themselves in truly dangerous situations with violent "Doms" because of it. In some ways, they are in even more danger because they don't have the deep-seated fear of rape most women are taught from birth. It only took one story of a college-aged gay man meeting up with a COMPLETE STRANGER he met online and being beaten bloody to make me realize there's a whole other demographic in danger here. Best part of that story? He specifically said he was a fan of these novels, and wanted his own Christian Grey. Looks like the poor kid found one.

    To phrase it a bit differently: is there anyone E.L. James ISN'T fucking over with these novels?

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    1. http://www.boyziimen.com/users/shawn/blogs/3034921 I have a hard time listening to Boyz II Men music now.

      "It definitely gave me some insight on a woman's thought process behind even the slightest things concerning relationships. For that alone, I think guys can read it and get a better understanding on generally how a woman thinks, considering that the trilogy was written by a woman, it pretty much authenticates the notion."

      Readers are also walking away thinking that women actually think like Ana because a woman wrote these books. In a society that already blames women for being raped if they wore a skirt instead of an iron chastity belt and says we need to make sure to not get ourselves raped, it's dangerous for men to be walking away with the belief that women do think like Ana.

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  9. Thank you so much for writing this, Jenny. I can't bring myself to read the books, but I faithfully read your excellent recaps with a mix of horror, disgust, and amusement. I know some women who read (and defend) these books, and it makes me crazy. I posted this to my FB and Twitter because it deserves to be read.

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    1. I also can not/ will not read the actual books, the excerpts alone are very triggering to my extremely violent childhood. I do adore your recaps, and it gives me great material to toss into the laps of people who just don't get what harm this book can do. My heart totally fell today when my teenage cousin posted something line-for-line out of FSoG on Facebook about her boyfriend. Gahhh.

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  10. I've been sharing this post around all day because yes. YES. For all of these reasons, EL James does indeed need to shut the fuck up, already.

    I'm worried about all the sexually-inexperienced young men who pick these books up, thinking they will get valuable sex & relationship tips. Just what the fuck kind of horrid ideas are they going to get about how to treat their partners?

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  11. I really wish EL James would just go away and take Twilight - I MEAN - 50 Shades with her. It hurts my soul how she and her fans are so blinded to the abusive relationship between Anna and Christian. I don't care if someone gets all hot and bothered by the story, but you're right, she needs to be open and honest about what this book is and what is isn't - and it sure as shit isn't a manual by which to measure a healthy, loving relationship.

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  12. I did not think about the Gay community being affected by this as well. Scary thinking that so many bright eye people are playing with fire in terms of wanting a "Mr Grey".

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  13. Thank you, once again, Jen for speaking so very elequoently. I read these books. All 3 of them. A friend and I shared them back and forth just to see what all the hype was about. The list of things wrong with these books could take up an entire shelf in the library. However, I find that anyone who defends these books in terms of them being "romantic" should be duct-taped to a concrete wall and forced to listen to the real-life stories of abuse survivors. May or may not make an impact, but it couldn't hurt. I moved nearly 1000 miles from my family to get away from a guy who threatened me, my child, and my parents. I wasn't stupid. I wasn't blind. I wasn't "romanced" into believe his crap. He was so sneaky I didn't even see it happening until it was almost too late. If he had been as blatantly abusive as Christian Grey, our "relationship" would have been over in a matter of weeks! Every human being on this planet has the RIGHT to have a SAFE LOVING relationship; doesn't matter if that relationship is straight, gay, vanilla, BDSM, or anything else under the sun. I hope like hell people who think these poorly written, poorly edited books are a road-map for a successful relationship somehow realize they are being played for monetary gain: EL's, her publisher's, some movie production company's... It's just pathetic.

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    1. You rock. Thank you so much for writing such an excellent comment. I'm so sorry to hear you had to uproot like that. I can't even imagine what it must have been like for you, but I am *so glad* you got out before it was too late.

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  14. "The elements of the relationship that are abusive have nothing to do with the incredibly mild BDSM in the book."

    I disagree--there are definitely abusive elements in the BDSM scenes. Remember how Ana classified being spanked as him "beating" her, and not in the excited way a masochist would use the term?


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    1. Oh yes, the "BDSM" element in here isn't healthy, either. I suppose I should have clarified that point a bit better. It's just that when you say, "this is abusive" the first thing another person says is, "well, of course it is, but then he falls in love with her and stops wanting to do the BDSM stuff." It's like they're not getting that BDSM isn't inherently wrong, but there is a lot wrong with the relationship in the book in ways that has nothing to do with their sex lives, even though their sex life is way fucked up.

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  15. Thank you for writing this. Here's my background: I come from a viewpoint where anything other than consensual, mutually-staifactory, heterosexual married sex is immoral. Look, I know I'm in the minority here.

    That being said, I am smart enough to see that there is nothing immoral about BDSM per se. I am also smart enough to separate fiction/fantasy from reality. For instance, when I've read your works, Jen, I have enjoyed them.

    The problem with FSoG is that the line between fantasy and reality has been blurred as part of the advertising campaign. E.L cannot hide behind the "It's fiction!" excuse because that is the opposite of what she allowed to happen to help her book to become famous. Therefore, she has a responsibility to deal with the negative impacts of that choice.

    It's not the BDSM that makes this book horrible. It's not even the bad writing. It's the relationships between the people...all the people.

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  16. I've been a dom for some time and I dread to think this is how people think we act or expect to be treated by us after reading these books. Our role is to learn what makes our partners tick - what makes them frustrated, does this make them grin, how can we push them over the edge? But behind all this is often a fierce protective instinct to keep our partners safe and, deep down, happy - if our sub isn't enjoying it then neither are we. It's not BDSM if it's not consensual.

    Do we see any of that with this pathetic little man? No, we see him repeatedly making his partner uncomfortable and failing to check her boundaries, none of the signs of a good dom. This is abuse, regardless of which shit excuses EL James tries to think up in defence of his bullying.

    For a look at what BDSM should be like I would highly recommend going to a Torture Garden exhibition. There's huge freedom to explore sexual themes there and trust me, what you'll see there makes the stuff in these terrible books look as dull as a game of Minesweeper. Not sure our esteemed author could handle all these people making informed choices in bizarre outfits, mind.

    Keep up the excellent work, Jennifer - from one kinky woman to another, always a joy seeing you bring the smackdown to EL James and her horrendous work.

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  17. I think the lack of copy-editing, logic checks, research and grammar enrages so many of us that we stop short of realising how dangerous these book can be. A girl, my son's friend from school, praises these books as the best she's ever read, and I think her parents should be shot, because she can't have read a great deal. She sees Anastasia Steele as a role model and it terrifies me that she may be only one of a generation of young women who think it is normal to have your diet, wardrobe, reproductive cycle, work life, friendship interaction and SLEEP CYCLE controlled by someone who sports just-fucked hair and emotionally bullies you into every decision he wants you to take. Jen, good on you for sensibly pointing out that your sexual identity is a whole different animal from your actual identity and is part of your ownership of your life. I'm afraid there is not enough cowbell to cure the fever around these books; and the utter egotism of the author makes me despair that there ever will be.

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  18. Has anyone ever seen the movie Star 80 with Eric Roberts? If so then you'll understand Christian and Ana's relationship. As I stated in my review after I read the final book,I had no doubt that one day Ana would be able to walk away from Christian because he'll go too far. Unfortunately Christian won't be able to let Ana go and will get a gun and shoot Ana and then himself like what occurs between the real life husband and wife in the movie Star 80. Murder suicide.

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    1. I have, and it's very sad AND TRUE!

      jen's essay was brilliant and well said. For me, another sad fact is that this woman, out of all us struggling writes and those that stop and write again, is given the success and recognition that frankly SHE DOES NOT DESERVE!

      From what I have seen and read about her, she clearly does not care of her work fuels more abusive and bad relationships as long as she, like Anna, can boast about spending time in the South of France, England, or where the #$#$# she runs off to next.

      This really irks me to no end! I wouldn't even want to be see, related to, or befriended by someone like this who appears to be SOOO self centered.

      Words DO matter, and its a pity that E.L. Princess just doesn't know this.

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    2. I haven't seen the film or managed to read all the books, but from the bits I have read and the reviews I have thought there is no way Ana would walk out of that relationship alive.

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  19. Although I shudder to go on this tangent, I am going to write an anti-fanfic. "The Intervention Of Ana Steele-Gray". She'll get over her Christian Gray Syndrome. Run off into the sunset and do a lot of soul-searching and growth, before becoming an internet porn star as a huge fuck you to her ex husband.

    Happy ever after, the end.

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    1. You're going to write a fanfic on a story that was almost word for word copied from a twilight fanfic...


      You...do that.

      Also, I LOOOOVE how people are going out of their way to bash 80 shades of the rainbow (Or whatever. I stopped caring.) for it's 'abusive relationship'. I really do. Because half you people praise twilight, And it's so obviously the same people it's hilarious.

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    2. Couldn't get into Twilight, nor sit through the flicks. I know, sad. But FSoG is ten times worse, and I mean, that's after taking out the twinklepire aspect.

      I've never praised Twilight, and the only thing I can praise about FSoG, is its ability to bring all the different shades of abuse to light so conversations can be had, and education dropped on those who lucked out or simply thinks that hitting someone is the complete definition of domestic violence.

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    3. "Half you people praise twilight" uhhhhhh... I think you have us confused with some other people, because NO ONE here has praised Twilight.

      That's 100% of the people here HAVE NOT praised Twilight, AND hate 50 Shades of Grey, vs. your 50% of the people praise Twilight, and hate 50 Shades of Grey. Thought I'd clarify since you seemed pretty shaky on the math.

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    4. The one thing twilight has going for it is that it contains vampires. And werewolves. It's so so far removed from real life. As someone else said, one of the big dangers with FSoG is the blurring between the lines of fiction and reality (which has been promoted by advertisers).

      There has just been a case in the UK courts, grevious bodily harm after a guy beat a woman bloody in a FSoG inspired sex game - she said she didn't really want to do it but had signed a contract so felt she had to go through with it. His defence was they had a safe word and she didn't use it (was just crying and screaming and he didn't think to double check she was enjoying it...). So fucked up it's unbelievable.

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    5. I've repeatedly said that Twilight portrays a creepy, abusive relationship. 50 Shades appears to be worse, based on these recaps, but I have not actually read 50 Shades, and I have read Twilight.

      Reading it is not endorsing it. I read it because my daughter read it, and all her friends read it, and I am a parent who likes to know what my child is into.

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    6. To the first anon reply- FSOG wasn't copied from a fanfic, it IS a fanfic. It started out as Master of the Universe, a Twilight fanfiction. She then changed the character names and self published it through the internet as FSOG, which is also why it's not edited and is such a travesty to read in that aspect as well. The story is plagiarized from Twilight (obviously) and probably 3 other popular, better written fics of the same genre that came before it. She's always been in it for the fame and the money, she doesn't care about anything else and never has. So, after seeing how she was a few years ago when the fic was being written, knowing she stole her storyline from who knows how many people, acting above it all and put out when asked to write a 50's POV for charity, because she never wanted to write his POV in the first place but now she's all for it because she's making millions, I guess it shouldn't surprise me how she treats DV survivors. I'm glad people are finally raising awareness about it because I've hated this story for years and was appalled when it was published and became a phenomenon. And to close, before anyone makes assumptions, yes, I was into the Twi fanfic thing, it was a guilty pleasure of mine but this one should have never left fanfiction.net and someone as disgusting as EL James should never have been made famous for any reason.

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    7. Regarding the case in the UK, the man got off on all charges. They used the book as a manual, it went wrong, and nothing happened. The 50-Shades-as-defense precedent has legally been set in the UK, and since most of America follows English Common Law to some extent, we can expect to see the same thing happening here.

      Also to that first Anonymous, none of us are Twilight fans. However most of us recognize that the abuse in Twilight is milder. This doesn't make it okay and none of us are defending it. But at the very least it was supernatural and human, not something where conventions are held to sell the items used in the books so people can go whipping each other vampire-style.

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    8. I am a person of my word.

      Ana has a moment of clarity after taking another look in the mirror.
      http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8969664/1/Intervention-of-Ana

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  20. Thanks for writing this. The more people call James out on her bullshit, the more chances there are for the books to be seen for what they are.

    Also, it baffles me that people can't tell the difference between "You are spanking me and calling me dirty names because I want you to" and "You are spanking me because you're a control freak." One puts the agency on the woman and celebrates her sexuality, the other objectifies and denigrates the woman. This is like apples and toxic waste. How can you confuse them???

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  21. Except for treating ELJ like an actual author who wrote an actual book when she's nothing but a thief who wrote a really shitty fanfic, this rant is perfect. Just, exactly.

    She had no idea what she was writing and couldn't be bothered to do basic research. She amped up Edward and Bella's abusive relationship to about 1000 and called it BDSM instead of vampirism. She's a fucking dangerous moron. I'm not even surprised by that idiot statement you quoted. Everything that comes out of her mouth is on the same intellectual level as her writing. It makes me sick this woman has been rewarded for taking from another author, writing a semi-literate abusive piece of trash, and maligning an entire lifestyle and the people in it, treating them with such disrespect while still using them to seem edgy and different (even though BDSM erotica has been around for decades).

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    1. LOL damn tell us how you really feel

      I totally agree, though. Jenny is very classy in the way she approaches ELJ. I, however, am not nearly as classy.

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  22. EL James is reinforcing the idea that something is not abuse unless you're left black and blue and showing up at a women's shelter, and also reinforcing the fact that the creepy stalkerish "don't piss him off" stuff is ok as long as things work out/he marries you/buys you craploads of stuff.

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    1. Christian has left Ana with bruises. She's left him and has agreed to things ONLY to prevent worse from happening, and has take alcohol handed to her because she knew she would hurt more without it (proper BDSM NEVER EVER EVER has alcohol involved for safety reasons!!). She's displayed every symptom of Stockholm Syndrome. Yet Erica still doesn't see any abuse in it. Ana would have to end up dead, and even then, she'd probably steal SMeyer's claim to be in spired by Romeo and Juliet and just claim it's a tragic romance and have Christian kill himself.

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  23. So...this totally isn't the point of your post (a brilliant post, by the way), but the Archer reference made me love you even more.

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  24. Has anyone ever wondered if maybe James just doesn't want to be wrong? Here me out when I say this, and I may be crazy (wherein I don't even want to TRY vouching for her at all), but what if-and it's a big if- James recognizes what's wrong with it, but she doesn't want to admit it? Call me crazy here, but maybe it's not all about her being so enamoured with this man she's created who's so perfect, it's that the women FELL for it. So many women have praised this book and for so long (it wasn't until the last 6-9 months that the abusive analysis started to really come out) that James is just sitting pretty on her perch that she's created this adonis that women flock to.

    But now, it's starting to come to true light. It's not perfect like people originally thought. Everyone is starting to take off the rose coloured glasses. And rather than face the music with a "Yeah, you're right it's not that great, but it's fiction so it doesn't matter".. She's made a goldmine off this, she's (supposedly) a pioneer for women everywhere for getting their sexuality back. Is she going to take it all back as soon as someone (or many someones) points out the flaws?

    Hell no.

    She will defend this to hell and back if she has to. And she will.

    To be honest, I'm really intrigued by how the movies will play out with all these subtle abusive nuances. Will some be swept under the rug? Will everything be kept in tact? Or will it all be thrown to the wind in favour of the very vanilla-crazy sex? Probably the latter.

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    1. The movies are going to be NC-17 porn. So the storyline will be downplayed. I've heard strong rumor than the scriptwriters will be downplaying all the abuse because that sort of thing on screen can't be ignored as easily as in books.

      Heaven help the fools who consent to roles that will reine their careers as porn stars instead of legit actors.

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    2. I genuinely think it began like this. I know a lot of people aren't privy to her dialog when this was still fanfiction, but she was truly completely in love with her own character. She'd make forum post after forum post defending him, or talking about how sexy he was and agreeing with all the readers who loved him. In all her time in the fandom, 89% of it was spent on this series. She didn't care to read other fanfictions, and on the rare ocassion she did, the Edward character was just as terrible as her own (the character in University of Edward Masen, now published as Gabriel's Inferno, was famously thought of as misogynistic in the community, and written by her closest fandom friend, allegedly a man [but later found to be a woman], and also her most frequently recommended story, aside from her own).

      She was clearly obsessed with this type of character, and would defend his actions as if he were real--or as if his motivations were driven by her own beliefs. While most people might have seen this as perhaps a sign of abuse in her own life, I honestly saw it as a massive case of internalized misogyny, further supported by the fact she wasn't close to anyone in fandom who wasn't a raging fangirl or Bunker Babe, except for this 'Man', Sebastien Robichaud.

      Nowadays though, you might make a great point. Even if she were finally to grasp a speck of self-awareness and see the flaws in her characterization, I can't imagine she'd handle it well, if at all. It makes sense, given her personality, that she'd just continue operating as if she didn't know any better. And if I'm right, it would further enable her to avoid facing her own internalized issues, which is sad.

      She's about as non-feminist as possible.

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  25. For any fellow UK readers, the TV panel show Room 101 sent 50 Shades of Grey down into the room of the worst things in the universe. Not sure if it's available in the US? http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b01qg8x7/Room_101_Extra_Storage_Series_2_Episode_4/

    It's on BBC iPlayer till the 3rd, the argument against the book starts around 32:30. "I could teach a course on how rubbish this is" is a choice quote, plus the frustrated facial expressions after reading some of the 'sexy' quotes are priceless. Throwing the book away in exasperation was worth more than a thousand words, her passion and wit were both brilliant.

    I wonder if EL James was watching her book being sent down to cheers and enthusiastic applause on national TV? It's the least we could do over here by way of apology for inflicting this series on the world.

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    1. I watched that. I cheered, too. Was thinking about sending Paloma a link to The Boss. What do you reckon?

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    2. I'd say go for it. She seemed genuinely incensed, The Boss would probably make a good antidote.

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  26. "I didn't set out to be Tolstoy. I wrote it for myself, for fun"

    Then you should have kept it as a goddamn fan fic.

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  27. You don't get to take an abusive relationship, slap a well-stocked dungeon on it and call it "BDSM." That's not a label you can hide behind. If one edited out all the (mildly) kinky sex stuff, you're still left with a controlling, manipulative sociopath and a naive, flinching, insecure Stockholmette.

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  28. Jenny, I have been religiously following this 50 Shades blog since the beginning and have thoroughly enjoyed doing so (let me clarify, it's your writing I've enjoyed, not the totally horrific truths it brings to light). In fact I've read every word of every post and only disagreed with like one sentence you wrote, and I can't even remember what it said. Despite that, I've never commented on here before but felt the need to do so now because this whole thing has enraged me so much and I just wanted to say you are totally fabulous for having such an uber-rant about something that really, really needed to be ranted about. Shame only sane people are going to read it ;-)

    I told my friend about your blog and she said "she needs to chill, it [50 Shades]'s only a bit of fun." Nuh-uh. The number of women out there saying they wish their partners were more like Chedward scares the living shit out of me. I just don't understand it. Even without your delicious snark I'd think he was the sort of bastard I would willingly pay money never to meet.

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  29. I kind of feel bad for Chedward. Abused as a child, abused as a teen, manipulated by a vanilla princess/golddigger who makes him believe she can "cure" him... A sadistic therapist... This book should have been written from Chedward's Pov and ending with him dumping the vanilla princess and finding happiness with a masochist.

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  30. I've not yet read the books, but firstly I should to see what all the hype was about. Then they always bore the brunt of comedians jokes, and people I know said they're poorly written.

    Now I find it interesting there's an even bigger scandal, whether people, and 're author herself, agree the story is all about abuse.

    I believe relationships should be equal, not based on bullying and abuse. Nobody would want their confidence chipped away at, somehow end up walking on eggshells, or be controlled friendships, business etc.

    If Anna cannot see this for what it was, then perhaps that is why people get trapped and don't get out.

    I fear that those who'd love a guy like Christian, would be very vulnerable to abuse, if they're not already in that situation. The more people advertise their fantasy about wanting a guy like him, the more they advertise they're vulnerable, whichever be like an advert to a prospective abuser.

    Experimenting in the bedroom is one thing, if you love and respect each other, show tenderness and care at other times, and are not controlled in every area of life. People should be careful what they wish for! Wish for some fantasies by all means, but also dream for a normal, grounded, respectful, loving guy as well.

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  31. PS I still have a list of books I've prioritized, but if I do get round to it, I'm now aware of a darker side, which I doubt was discussed in the past. I believe writers and publishers have a responsibility to show both sides of certain issues, by showing character progression with change of attitude, sees a situation for what it is by the end, gets out, changes etc. If Anna somehow ended up realising she had been abused, or something bad happened to make her see it, then that's an outcome. Are people warning Anna off him? Was there any hint of anybody saying something, even if she ignore their advice? I'll look out for those issues if I read it.

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  32. I just hope she gets hit by a bus so she can never write again. I really do. I realize that there are other problems in the world, but it's a big, big deal to have so many people eating this shit up. She basically just trained a whole bunch of people to find being abused romantic. Of course not everyone who reads the book will, but there are enough stories of people trying to have that relationship that it's really concerning. You know, bus, train, rabid bear, I'm not really picky at this point.

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  33. I went straight from reading this to a reddit thread that personifies what you said

    http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/17ortm/what_are_you_into_that_the_average_person_just/c87fxvm

    Basically, they talk about how 50 Shades is a terrible way for people to learn about BDSM and how BDSM is about trust and consent. Make sure to look at all the child comments :)

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  34. Thank you for writing this post, Jenny. I was going to but I just didn't have the spoons after blasting James on Twitter yesterday.

    This latest BS of hers makes me so fucking mad I can't even

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    1. "I was going to" = "I was going to write a post of my own"

      anger kills brain cells that help me write coherent things

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  35. Why should EL James care if readers think Christian is a psychotic. unstable abusive man? She has $60 million + in the bank. She's made her payday regardless and will make more.

    Just wait until the NC-17 movie comes out. Wonder how that will go down?

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    1. There already was a porno made, but it was such a blatant and direct rip off of the book that they got sued right quick. Oh, the irony...

      Our producer actually wanted my wife and I to shoot/direct an all-girl 50 Shades porn, but I had already read the first book recap here and I was like.... no. I cannot support thinking of this material as sexy in any way, even if we made it all ladies and made it less creepy. Just... no.

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  36. omg i don't think most customers who would buy shades of gray would give a shit about any of the things you're talking about. fiction does not have a moral requirement, it's just fiction. if you don't like the characters then don't read the book, or better yet, write your own book.

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    1. Tears of laughter right now. Actual tears of hard goddamned laughter. Thank you.

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    2. Yes, Jen, write your own goddamn book. Sheesh!

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    3. You missed the whole thing in the comments of this post and the last recap about the woman who was beaten up by her husband (who turned out to be a serial abuser and stalker) and the case was thrown out of court because she'd signed a contract inspired by these shitty books, didn't you? And that's not an isolated case. You can try and deny it all you want, but people DO read these books and think that it's not abusive at all and that Chedward's behaviour is super-romantic and deep AND THEY GET VERY BADLY HURT.

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  37. 'while acknowledging that if the "Dom" attitude turns into an excuse to victimize and control a woman who doesn't want to be a 24/7 sub, it has crossed the line from sex play into abuse.'

    I think this is where you put your finger on a fundamental problem with these books; I think there's a confusion arising entirely from James' inability to write that gives rise to so many of these issues. She can't distinguish between the sexual dynamic and the rest of the relationship, or between the fantasy and the story, and this muddies the whole thing to a ridiculous extent.

    what I mean is, James has stated that this book is about her fantasy. And it reads like an account of an extended rape-fantasy; as if the actual entire thing is this one fantasy of a non-consensual sexual experience. so every time Christian makes Ana do something she doesn't want to do, and she casts herself as being coerced, she's acting out this fantasy whereby the powerless woman, forced by the man to do his bidding, is absolved of all responsibility and is free to enjoy 'degradation'. we're all familiar with this kind of fantasy and the power dynamics, issues of shame and so on that play into them, I'm sure.

    for me this is the only way this story could make any kind of consistent sense. But then it would have to be about, as you say, the dominant/submissive relationship being 24/7. The contract puts it in these terms, and Christian and Ana behave like this is what they're doing - but the writing is so atrocious that it's constantly undermining itself.

    for example, times when Ana says something to deliberately wind up Christian, then says 'oh shit, he's mad, what's he going to do to me?' and describes his face as genuinely, scarily angry - if this was a fantasy scenario, a sexual game, it would make sense. they'd be pretending, because they found this hot. But because it's written as something happening between two people who have decided *not* to sign this contract, it comes across clearly as an incident in an abusive, controlling relationship - and also as a description of people who are very, very stupid.

    I mean, all the times he says he's going to punish her later for things she's said outside of the bedroom would make sense if this was a consensual agreement to play these roles 24/7 (or for the evening out, or whatever) - but by insisting this is not the case, James blurs the lines in a very dangerous way. She says, 'Christian has agreed to try not to be a dom except in that they might do a little light bondage when they feel like it' AND ALSO 'Christian tells Ana what to do at all times and threatens to hit her if she disobeys' AND THEN she uses the get-out clause 'it's BDSM, it's not abuse.'

    she tries to have it both ways. She claims it's not abuse when Christian takes a non-sexual situation and threatens Ana with physical punishment, because safe consensual BDSM is not abuse - but she also insists that Ana is 'saving' Christian from this dangerous perversion of his. and because the writing is so blurred and muddy, she gets away with it - as another commenter says, you have to be really careful to point out that you're not calling BDSM abuse when you talk about this, and much of the discourse around it doesn't bother to go beyond the superficial assumption that the book actually describes BDSM, because that's how it's marketed.

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    1. wrote too much, sorry. cont...

      If it was a better book, it could be about the exploration of power dynamics in sexual fantasy - it could look at what's going on when someone inhabits the role of a 'disobedient wife' in order to fulfil a fantasy, and how that roleplaying intersects with the rest of her life. Christian could be a character who wants to roleplay because he and his wife get off on it, but he might well be uncomfortable playing the part of someone who actually gets *angry* (ffs) when his wife talks to another man, because such men are disgusting, and he finds the politics of getting off on pretending to be one to be deeply disturbing. Likewise, Ana could be a person who would view any actual attempt to control her life as grounds for immediate separation - but really enjoy the power play of pretending to be a fucking moron who spends her life 'gazing up' at her man and forgetting not to antagonise his jealous rage.

      so yeah, I think this is the fantasy that James talked about. In her fantasy, she's young and naive and some bloke takes control and responsibility. It's not *real*. The 'I have to protect you cos you're so dumb you can't be allowed out on your own' isn't meant to be the actual life of her characters, it's meant to be a metaphor for their sexual dynamic. But she can't show us that because she writes at a 13-year-old level, and also on her own admission knows fuck all about the subject.

      By being incapable of teasing out the politics, or actually of doing more than reassembling the words gaze, murmur, whisper, grey, distract, bite, lip, hips, mine, shattering and down there in varying combinations, EL has created something incredibly dangerous, as admirably demonstrated by this post. and all the people that didn't point this out along the way are equally culpable - husband, editor, publisher, etc. James isn't very intelligent. Her publishers should be.

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  38. Thankyou so much for writing this. As a survivor of domestic abuse I have been greatly saddened by the success of FsoG. It took me years to get away and for the stalking to end, it robbed me of a decade of my life and I still suffer from PTSD. One of the things I have found most upsetting is that I recognized quickly from reviews that the book was about abuse, I saw aspects of my ex in Grey,so the last thing I wanted to do was sit down a read a trilogy that was romanticizing the type of man who had wrecked my life. But despite that I found myself talking about it as it has been everywhere, I found myself in arguments with people telling me I couldn't say it was a book about abuse without reading it in full yet they seemed to think it was perfectly acceptable to judge what did and did not constitute abuse without having experienced it. This blog has helped enable me to argue why it is abuse without having to trawl through it all and thanks to Jenny and others like her I think the tide is turning on fifty shades and people are waking up to it being abuse and find it less acceptable to defend. Thanks again.

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  39. Thank you so much, Jenny, for writing this blog. I have to commend you for bringing the domestic abuse issue to the forefront. I have been following an anti-50 Shades account on Twitter and it is empowering to see the person who runs it and her followers take a stand.

    I am a fan of erotica and have written a few erotic stories myself. When I found out about 50 Shades I wanted to find out what the fuss was all about. The first time I tried to read it (I refused to pay for it - I downloaded a PDF) I only got as far as chapter 7 before I stopped. I could not continue for another two months. Then I picked it up again and I believe I stopped at chapter 13. I have not read the rest so far, but I know enough about it that it disturbs and distresses me.

    James has done a terrible disservice through her atrocious writing toward real women who have survived this kind of abuse. She has grossly misrepresented BDSM and the members of that community. From what I know about her, she is willfully ignorant, arrogant, and a megalomaniac that has been laughing all the way to the bank. It is disgraceful, irresponsible, and reprehensible how she continues to profit from these books while trivializing serious issues.

    Even in fiction there needs to be personal growth and character development, a lesson that both the readers and the characters learn. There is no such lesson in 50 Shades except a very archaic "The love of a good woman can redeem a man, even if he treats me like shit." This is a dangerous message not only for women, but for men as well. Through women swooning in droves for a supposed poor little spoiled rich boy Alpha-male like Christian Grey, some men will think this is what their women will come to expect - and the women will passively oblige like Anastasia Steele has done. I got into an argument with a man who defended it, saying it was a "princess story" and a "fairy tale". The sad thing is that millions of people like him believe it to be true.

    I don't believe in censorship. We all have our fantasies. What consenting adults do in the privacy of their bedrooms is their business. What I do believe in is responsibility. I only wish women would have rediscovered or reawakened their sexuality with another kind of book. I wish they could open their eyes and minds to discover the real message of this book. As long as domestic abuse survivors continue to speak out about real life Christian Greys, then the real life Anastasia Steeles will truly have their "Inner Goddesses" and "Subconsciouses" be empowered. Thank you.

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  40. I think this is why I like your writing. You're so down to earth. You've looked at the crazy, kinky, rough, wild side of sex and come away with a healthy, positive attitude about it all, and it comes through in everything you write.

    James took a look at the wild side of sex, decided it was abusive, looked at all the people who were into it, decided people LIKE abusive, made some sort of distinction between abusive and sexy-abusive (retch) and walked away with the most insanely unhealthy attitude about sex and kink that I can imagine. This shows in what SHE writes, and is why her books are so goddamn terrifying, not to mention nauseating.

    I read all three of them through, and its like you take all my rage and make coherent sentences with it. For this, and the suffering you do for us, I thank you.

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  41. Where did Michael's comment go, the one telling you to write your own book? I think the wuss deleted it!

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  42. #2) Trivializing sexual assault (a la Jose the "Gentleman Rapist")

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  43. I haven't read any of your fiction but this post is wonderful. Thank you for writing it.

    Tangentially related: James also blocked a bunch of people from the Twilight fandom. I don't mean people that tweeted her. I just mean people that are active fans of Twilight. I don't know if she did this to distance herself from the roots of her creation or if she only blocked the Twilight fans that don't like Fifty Shades but as an author I found it to be highly unprofessional not to mention a bit creepy and obsessive. Many of the people she blocked had private (locked) accounts so in order to find them she had to hunt them down which is just bizarre. One would think she'd have better things to do with her time. Though I suppose this behavior might explain some of Christian's behavior? Maybe she's a bit more Christian Grey in her personal life as opposed to Ana?

    Regardless the books are horrible for many reasons, the top among them being the unhealthy relationship. Kudos for speaking up about it.

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  44. I never thought I'd come across an author that behaves as badly as Laurel K. Hamilton. But then along came EL James.

    James wins. If you can call it that.

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  47. Hear, hear! Beautifully said and spot-on!

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  48. I'll give James credit - there are passages that give me vivid flashbacks to my abusive ex. Take out the billionaire and BDSM window-dressing and it'd be as accurate a depiction of an emotionally abusive relationship I've ever read.

    She nails what it's like to be with someone with Narcisstic Personality Disorder - the manipulation, the blame, the walking on eggshells.

    Too bad James doesn't even realize it.

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  49. I saw her on Katie Couric's show the other day, E L was asked what she would change if anything - surprisingly she said she would rewrite the first two books. I was thinking re-write, have computer crash, lose story - never to see the light of day again.... yep, that works, best thing that could happen.

    She is thick I think and wants to hide her head in her ginormous wad of cash without being aware of what her trashy crap is breeding in the rest of the world. I was reading an article by a therapist who had seen a couple for therapy because the husband was 'brutal' in the bedroom and when his wife wasn't into it, he purchased 50 Shades and made her read it to show what he wanted was "normal". This is my concern, how many women are going to suffer because their boyfriends get a hard on for violence and think this validates what they want?

    If I had a boyfriend and he brought me home this crap, he'd be wearing it. If he tried to say it was normal, I would then hand him Misery and say the same. "Honey you get your spanker, I'll get my sledgehammer".

    I actually wrote a post on my blog comparing the Chedward/Bellana generations with my generation who were Buffy girls: http://thecountrywitchscottage.blogspot.com.au/2013/01/girls-nowgirls-then.html

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  50. I love everything you post, you're always SO spot on.

    SMH at her concern trolling bullshit.

    This refusal to hear or react rationally to criticism goes all the way back to her fanfic days. It isn't that she just doesn't give a crap, it's that she's genuinely bought into her own hype and thinks she's actually awesome. We're all just wrong wrong wrong.

    Case in point, her plans to publish a book on Writing. Like, okay, I'm willing to conceded that a LOT of people read and enjoyed that steaming heap, and I've talked to plenty of them, but not one single person could say it was 'good writing' with a straight face.

    She doesn't accept her or her work's weaknesses for what they are. She soaks up the praise and hype and massive amounts of cash, and it's more significant to her than actually putting out a quality product or learning how to get better.

    There's a reason she's been dwelling on the EXACT SAME STORY for almost 4 years. It's not only because she isn't creative enough to come up with something new (which is also true), but also because she truly believes this series is the be all end all.

    She's not an artist, and she's not a writer. She's an egomaniac with just enough loose morals to exploit someone else's fanbase, not to mention her dangrous hackery of the BDSM lifestyle.

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