Name Chedward's Penis Contest WINNERS!

As you may recall, if your memory is longer than a goldfish's, I invited readers of this blog to submit their names for Christian Grey's penis. Unfortunately, if you entered on Good Reads, your names weren't included in the final consideration. When we went to GoodReads.com to survey your submissions there, all of those comments were GONE. Not even like, just a few were missing, ALL of them were missing. Like no one had ever commented on the post, and I know that wasn't what went down, because I checked over there before. Now that I know GoodReads to be as inconstant as that famous whore, the moon, henceforth all contest entries will have to be given here, rather than there, and I apologize to those of you who had great names that got eaten up by internet goblins.

However, we do have a winner, three winners, to be exact, and the honorable mentions that round out our top ten.

So, without further ado, the winner of

• Your choice of two titles from The Raven Books, graciously donated by Michelle M. Pillow and Mandy M. Roth!
• One digital title from Leigh Ellewood's backlist!
• The Succubus Gift by BR Kingsolver!
• Long Relief and Wolf's Honor by Abigail Barnette
• One digital title from Bronwyn Green's backlist!
• Put Out The Zombie, by Billy London

is...

RHYS ASTASON, "BUSTER HYMEN"

As I mentioned before, my cousin D-Rock helped pick the winners. As far as she was concerned, "Buster Hymen" was the hands down winner. She is positively enchanted with Buster Hymen, and has begun to call my husband "Buster" in tribute to it, much to his chagrin. Of course, I pointed out that her past nicknames for him ("Welshy Bitch", "Butters", "Triple Butters", "Rutledge", etc.) have all been about as equally obnoxious. So, congratulations, Rhys Astason, you have made a pretty mediocre enemy in my husband, and a devotee (for as long as her short-term memory holds out) of my cousin.

The second and third place winners, who will both win Long Relief and Wolf's Honor from yours truly, are:

MeloBrown, "Ted Bundy"

Simone, "Barely Fits"

Ted Bundy? That is so amazingly dark, and perfectly apt considering who we're talking about. Barely Fits is a fitting pun in the vein of "Buster Hymen". Good job!

Now, the rest of our list don't win any prizes (boo!) but they did have us rolling with laughter. They are, as follows:

Belle, "Dark Knight"

JennyJen, "Team Headward"

Paulina Bozek, "Tiberius"

Dakota Rebel, "Zinfindel"

JenniferK66, "Sir Jonathan Icedragon the third"

Brynn Paulin, "Charlie Tango jr."

Leigh, "Shimmering Dom"

Good job, everyone who entered. We had a great time reading your submissions. If you're one of our top three winners and you did not leave us contact info, please do so at this time, so we can get your prizes to you! By that, I mean, "MeloBrown and Simone, please get in touch with me so I can send you books!"