- It will provide me with an important emotional outlet, thus lowering my blood pressure.
- It will give you the experience of reading the book without really having to read it. Much like videotaping a friend getting stitches gives you the experience, but not the pain and hassle of, cutting your own finger with a razor blade because you're too lazy to get up and get the scissors to open that USB drive packaging.
We have a lot to cover. Let's get started.
Our story begins with our heroine, Ana, looking in the mirror. She doesn't like what she sees. Her hair is uncooperative. Also, she has huge blue eyes and pale skin, in our American culture which does not value these things as traditional hallmarks of beauty or anything. She's pissed off at her roommate, Kate. Why? Because Kate has lined up an interview with the most powerful entrepreneur in the country, Christian Grey, but she got the flu and now she can't go. Even though Ana is having a bad hair day, has exams coming up, and has to work, her selfish friend is trying to manipulate her into going to do the interview herself:
Therefore, she cannot attend the interview she'd arranged to do, with some mega-industrialist tycoon I've never heard of, for the student newspaper. So I have been volunteered. I have final exams to cram for, one essay to finish, and I'm supposed to be working this afternoon, but no - today I have to drive a hundred and sixty-five miles to downtown Seattle in order to meet the enigmatic CEO of Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. As an exceptional entrepreneur and major benefactor of our University, his time is extraordinarily precious.She's never heard of this guy, except that she knows the extremely unwieldy name of his company, that he's an entrepreneur, that he gives tons of money to the school she attends, and that he's super busy? This is the kind of logical error that I'm finding over and over in this book, and I've only read three chapters so far. But putting that aside for a minute, doesn't this sound like an amazing opportunity for her friend? I bet Ana feels really bad that Kate is going to miss out on the interview of a lifetime, right?
"Ana, I'm sorry. It took me nine months to get this interview. It will take another six to reschedule, and we'll both have graduated by then. As the editor, I can't blow this off. Please," Kate begs me in her rasping, sore throat voice. How does she do it? Even ill she looks gamine and gorgeous, strawberry blonde hair in place and green eyes bight, although now red-rimmed and runny. I ignore my pang of unwelcome sympathy.Of course Ana doesn't feel bad! Why should she? She's the heroine! We have to like her. Because she's the heroine. So, when her friend is saying, "Please, for me, blow off work and classes and go meet this famous person, so you can put this interview on your resume when it could have been on mine had I not contracted a horrible respiratory illness," Ana can only think, "Ugh, it is soooo not fair that she is prettier than me. I will absolutely not feel sympathetic toward you," and the reader better know whose side to be on, damnit!
As Ana complains more in the narration about how good Kate is at manipulating people, and how awful it's going to be to meet this rich, successful guy, she outwardly acts like it's not a big deal. This gives me the distinct impression that Ana is one of those people who will agree, or even offer, do a favor for you like it doesn't inconvenience them at all, then immediately phones up a friend and bitches about you and all the boundaries you're overstepping. And then, exactly like one of those people, Ana attempts to tell the reader how great Kate is, and that she's her very best friend, after complaining about her for like two pages solid. At this point, do I actually have to say that Ana is Bella Swan?
So, Ana sets off from Vancouver, heading toward Portland. Wait a second, didn't she say she had to go to Seattle to meet this Grey guy? I can never tell where I am in this serious. Just in the nebulous Pacific Northwest, I guess, where:
The miles slip away as I floor the pedal to the metal.
Dear Non-American Author trying to write in Americanisms: It's either "floor it" or "put the pedal to the metal". And actually, no one says the latter anymore. By the way, she's flooring it to the pedal in a Mercedes loaned to her by Kate. A Mercedes, and she's still bitching? Her car, a quirky, old vehicle (but not a quirky, old truck) is unreliable, like a quirky, old truck. But it's a VW Bug, so she's definitely not Bella Swan. Still, there is something endearing about reading an non-American author trying to capture the slang of my people.
When she gets to Christian Grey's steel and glass office building with the building name in steel letters over the glass doors to the steel and glass and sandstone (c-c-c-combo breaker!) lobby, we learn that Ana's name is really Anastasia Steele, because that's totally not a pornstar name and the word "steel" had to be used in some form or another in every single sentence in this scene. Ana runs through a succession of blonde receptionists, each one making her feel more and more like Anne Hathaway in the interview scene in The Devil Wears Prada. In fact, her outfit sounds kind of familiar...
I am beginning to wish I'd borrowed one of Kate's formal blazers rather than wear my navy blue jacket. I have made an effort and worn my one and only skirt, my sensible brown knee-length boots and a blue sweater. For me, this is smart.
Where have I seen this before?
So, at least now we have some kind of visual inspiration for sad-sack Ana.
Anyway, there are a lot of blondes working in the office, and as Ana appears to hate blondes more than Anita Blake does, she's absolutely certain she doesn't fit in. She signs in, gets a visitor's pass, and heads upstairs to the second steel and glass and sandstone and steel and more glass and mahogany and red and yellow and pink and brown and scarlet and black and ochre and peach and ruby and olive and violet and fawn and violet and gold and chocolate and mauve and cream and crimson and silver and rose and azure and lemon and russet and gray and purple and white and pink and orange and blue lobby. I wish I could tell you that I just used more adjectives and words than James did to describe this sequence of events. I am many things, but I am not a liar.
This is one of the biggest problems with 50 Shades of Grey. It's like a team of cameras is following Ana everywhere she goes, every second of the day, and it's being transcribed for the reader into the book, no matter how inane the details:
"Mr. Grey will see you in a moment. May I take your jacket?"Let's do a little writing exercise, shall we? Let's see if we can make that chunk of pointless dialogue into something more manageable, to move the story along to literally anything else in literally a tenth of the time. I'l go first:
"Oh please." I struggle out of the jacket.
"Have you been offered any refreshment?"
"Um - no." Oh dear, is Blonde Number one in trouble?
Blonde Number Two frowns and eyes the young woman at the desk.
"Would you like tea, coffee, water?" she asks, turning her attention back to me.
"A glass of water. Thank you," I murmur.
"Olivia, please fetch Miss Steele a glass of water." Her voice is stern. Olivia scoots up immediately and scurries to a door on the other side of the foyer.
"My apologies, Miss Steele, Olivia is our new intern. Please be seated. Mr. Grey will be another five minutes."
Oliva returns with a glass of iced water.
"Here you go, Miss Steele."
"Thank you."
One of the blonde receptionists took my coat and offered me a glass of water.I'm no Nora Roberts, but I think I can safely say that the book would not have been ruined without the unnecessary interplay Ana witnesses between the two receptionists, and the odd focus on the "iced water" and who is in possession of said water at which time.
Because Ana still doesn't know a single thing about Christian Grey (besides his name, his mother's maiden name, his place of birth, the name of his first pet, the security code on the back of his Visa card, his blood type, and whether or not he's circumcised), she doesn't know how old he is or what he looks like. She figures he's probably blonde, too, and wonders if he requires his employees to be blonde. She's "wondering idly if that's legal" while I'm wondering if this isn't some Neo-Nazi thing. But it's totally cool, because then a black guy comes out of his office, talking about golf. So Christian Grey is definitely not an Aryan Nationalist.
The blondes send Ana into Mr. Grey's office, and wouldn't you know it, like a dope, she falls right through the doors and winds up on her hands and knees in front of Christian Grey. Foreshadowing. She is so embarrassed that she says all kinds of strong curse-words like "Holy cow," and "Double crap". No single craps for Ana, oh no. She's a rebel and a potty mouth of the highest caliber.
Immediately, she realizes that Christian Grey is not some ancient forty-year old dude, practically crumbling to dust atop his icy blonde empire, but a very hot young man:
So young - and attractive, very attractive. He's tall, dressed in a fine gray suit, white shirt, and black tie with unruly dark copper colored hair and intense, bright gray eyes that regard me shrewdly.That... is one hell of a tie. I'm going to have to ask someone, please, look into the kindness and the goodness of your soul and photoshop me a picture of a black tie with Robert Pattinson's hair and eyes stuck on it, gazing at me shrewdly.
When she shakes his hand, Ana has some kind of short circuit situation that makes her blink like a malfunctioning Furby. She explains that she's there on behalf of her sick roommate, then makes a stunningly astute comment about some paintings in his office. Of course, he agrees with her, and this puts Ana immediately at ease, knowing that they are on the same level, intellectually. Just kidding! Instead, she's building him up in her head, calling him an Adonis and being too embarrassed by his really, really good-looking-ness to operate the recorder. He's amused by her uncertainty, she can tell. Because tycoons often find it amusing to have their time stolen by inept student non-reporters. Then she asks him if she can record his answers. Which is the most bizarre sentence I think a person can ask another person they are interviewing. "Do you mind if I make some kind of permanent record of the answers you give me, or would you rather this all become a pointless exercise in time wasting?"
Once they launch into the interview, things really pick up. Ha, just kidding again! We've finally got the hero and heroine of what is touted as the hottest, sexiest, most toe-curlingest naughty erotic novel since the Marquis de Sade was branded a lunatic, together in the same room and what's going to happen? Pages upon pages of clumsy exposition. Why show, when Christian himself can tell, in a series of incredibly banal interview questions, everything we as the reader are going to need to know to have a clear impression of his character for the rest of the book? And let's also see Ana insult him, over and over again, from suggesting his success is based on luck to outright calling him a control freak. For someone who was so insecure just moments ago, Ana begins to verbally spar with this powerful guy while representing her sick roommate whose reputation as editor of the college newspaper is riding on this interview.
Still, even though he is, by her own description, an arrogant control freak who does weird things with his fingers while looking at her, Ana is completely, sexually paralyzed by his stunning physical appearance, which, as far as I can tell from the numerous superlatives Ana breathlessly recounts, is like looking directly at the face of God if God were an orgasm dipped in chocolate and the perfect pair of jeans. So, while Christian Grey is rattling off incredibly intimate details of his life to a rude, awkward, mousy college student who just spilled her ass through his office doors, Ana is practically writing odes to his teeth and wondering what's so wrong with her that she would be distracted by someone who is just the physical manifestation of the very soul of perfect beauty.
The scene goes on so long, Christian actually has to cancel his next meeting. When it comes time for Ana to leave, he teases her about her earlier fall, helps her put on her jacket, and walks her to the elevator. But only after this passage:
"Well, you'd better drive carefuly." His tone is stern, authoritative. Why should he care?Because he's Edward Cullen, reader. Because he's Edward Cullen.
Thank you darlin' for breaking down the opening chapter and now I feel just fine in not bothering to read it - a happy Tilly is flooring the pedal to the...yeah, moving on :-)
ReplyDeleteOh
ReplyDeleteMy
God.
The tie!!
Thank you for reading it Jennifer & thank you for the astute recap.
I think you need a stiff drink after that.
All the best,
Rob
I'm going to do a craft project. I'm going to MAKE the damn tie with RPATTZ hair and eyes. Not his real hair and eyes, of course. Unless...
ReplyDeleteNah, that would probably never work.
Look, I'm sorry that you have to suffer, but I'm not gonna lie. I'm dying for the recap of chapter two. You should get on that. And also make that tie...
ReplyDeleteOh, Jennifer, thank you so much for reading this so I don't have to!
ReplyDeleteBRAVO!
ReplyDeleteThank you sooo much for giving us this chapter one recap. I'm so glad you are willing to do this public service for all of us.
Can't wait to see the tie.
True story: there's a football player in Australia named Steele Sidebottom. It was bad enough he was stuck with that shitty surname, but to add to it by naming him STEELE? Hilarious! ;-)
ReplyDeleteYou Flanderized the descriptions! I love that!
ReplyDeleteMay I declare my love for you?
ReplyDeleteToo late. I am declaring it. This is awesome, you are awesome.
I just got sent here my Margaret Yang. I've never met her, and now I'm not sure if I want to hurt her (for getting me addicted to yet another blog) or hug her (for sending me someplace that makes me laugh!) I think I'll go with the latter. Thanks for taking the hit on this book for the rest of us.
ReplyDeleteWell, Kat, damn her eyes and sense of humor, sent me here, lol! Yes, I laughed and yes, that tie is amazing.
ReplyDeleteThis is not a book I have any desire to read--despite several blogger buddies telling me I really should. After reading your recap, it's been confirmed, I really shouldn't.
Sia McKye OVER COFFEE
This is probably the most hilarious thing I've ever read, and an incredibly accurate description of the entire trilogy. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteI confess to reading book one, and I am plodding...slowly...through...book...two...because it's like viewing a train wreck. I almost spit out my water reading your recap. Looking forward to more. :-)
ReplyDeleteI tried to read this piece of drivel. Again, like others I wanted to know what the fuss was all about. However, this is so poorly written and edited that I had to stop. Also I think the main character forgets she is American because she sounds British throughout the book. It is horrifying in its badness. :-))
ReplyDeleteIf I had to read one more time about her inner goddess jumping up and down like an excited four year old I'm gonna scream. Smart thing goes for her subconscious with the moon shaped spectacles. All three books could have been condenced into one by reducing the linguistic flab. Poorly written, no real character development and unresolved plot lines. Sucked...but the sex was good.
ReplyDeleteJami Gold sent me...and wow, am I glad it's you reading these, and not me. I tip my hat to you for even trying, given this first chapter.
ReplyDeleteGood grief.
Now I'm going to work my way through your other chapter break-downs (pun intended). Or as far as I can get, anyways.
Aye-yi-yi...
This post has made my day. Thank you :)
ReplyDeleteLove it !
ReplyDeleteThank you for this hilarity!! Once people have finished reading it and dump their copies in the thrift shop, my friends and I are gonna snatch em up and have an epic reading party. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteThis was hilarious! It's so refreshing to read something like this about "fifty shades".. I went through a few chapters today and simply couldn't finish it. I was appalled that something even worse than Twilight was published and went to the bestsellers' list!
ReplyDeleteThank you for doing this. I read the first book and thought it was a bad satire... then I realized it's just bad.
ReplyDeleteThe tie thing made me laugh so hard.
The line "his stunning physical appearance, which, as far as I can tell from the numerous superlatives Ana breathlessly recounts, is like looking directly at the face of God if God were an orgasm dipped in chocolate and the perfect pair of jeans" is amazing. Out to buy any of your books in the hopes you are even half as hilarious in them!
ReplyDeleteThe other day I introduced myself to someone and she exclaimed "Oh my God, the main character in this one book ALSO calls herself Ana, short for a longer, fancier name."
ReplyDeleteI read the book.
I ashamed to share my name with Ana Steele.
Here, have that tie photo you wanted, for making me laugh.
http://i449.photobucket.com/albums/qq211/Arisaema_photobucket/greytie.jpg
I just looked at the tie. Wonderful!
DeleteI couldn't get past the first page of "The Devil Wears Prada" because the main character couldn't drive a stick-shift car and smoke a cigarette at the same time, things I can do. After skimming your blog post, I think I'd hate this book even more than I hate the original Twilight (which I read to justify my hatred of it).
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, that was a wonderfully therapeutic laugh. My only nagging dissatisfaction after reading it is that you've left me really wanting that amazing tie!
ReplyDeleteI can't stop reading them!! They are so.horrible. and I can't put them down. Ack! It's like Dan Brown all over again!
ReplyDeleteI swore I would never read Twilight and apparently now I have. Your recaps rock.
*applauds and bows* I started reading your recaps yesterday, having been directed to the most recent first, and I enjoyed it so much I read them backwards for a while because that appealed to my sense of the ridiculous and it was immense fun for a few chapters, but there came a point when my brain started getting addled and my sanity dictated I go back to the beginning, so here I am.
ReplyDeleteYour recaps are gems, and much more fun than the book itself. And you also point out the serious abuse issues contained in the story. I have a nasty feeling that the hoards of drooling females who are making these books so "phenomenally" popular are quite oblivious to the insidious message in this story, or at least in book 1.
I'm well into book 3 now and I do so wish you were going to carry on, but that is for very selfish reasons and I fully understand that you probably do not wish to commit to such a task.
I now wish to read your original work because I love the way you write.
Brava!
This was fantastic! Loved it.
ReplyDeleteArrived here via a link from E P Beaumont.
ReplyDeleteAll I can do is apologise on behalf of Brits everywhere. Not for her getting the idiomatic language wrong - that goes deliciously both ways and always warms my heart when I see it.
I hope you weren't too traumatised by reading the rest of it.
Arrived here via a link on Twitter...I couldn't stop laughing. Loved the recap. Oh, and so need to see a picture of that tie. That would be epic on so many levels.
ReplyDeleteA friend of mine has been stuck reading them (a friend insisted...who can resist a friend?) Anyway, she's been psychoanalyzing Mrs. James. My friend suggest that each on the characters represents a part of James (which is why they are flat and boring). Really sad when you think of it that way.
Thank you for doing this. And love the Dream Coat reference. Are you saying that if this book was instead a Weber musical, it would be fabulous?
ReplyDeleteYou forgot to mention that she asks him if he's gay--which is one of the questions on the list Kate gave her. Because that is absolutely what a professional, responsible journalist would be asking. Oh, and according to Mark of 'Mark Reads', no way Kate would be asking her roomie to do the interview for her. She'd get someone else on the paper to do it.
ReplyDeleteI want to thank you on behalf of all intelligent readers for your sacrifice.
ReplyDeleteYou've soared me the agony of reading a great deal of drivel, and given my friends and I a great reason to feel superior.
Feel superior ?!?! Is this a Jane Auston chat room? There is a market for this trash. Two concentimg adults shocking the hell out of millions people across the globe. I do believe the woman that penned the "masterpiece" is flooring the pedal to the metal all the way to the bank !
ReplyDelete"Consenting" must mean something different where you live, Anon.
ReplyDeleteAm a little over halfway through this garbage, um, I mean book and a friend recommended your blog. I am laughing hysterically at your description of the first chapter. I can't decide which to do first...finish the book or finish your blog posts. Your analysis is spot on, Ms. Armintrout, spot on. Well done! And, thanks for the laughs!
ReplyDeleteArrived here via a link on Livejournal and why I agree with everything else said (and thank you for taking this on so I don't have to), but asking if she can record him is actually a thing.
ReplyDeleteAccording to our Editor it was both to be polite and be sure that the interviewee knew absolutely that there was a tape-recorder in the room so they couldn't claim otherwise later.
Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI didn't have any intention to read the book at all (even though my Mum bought it today) and now, after only reading your summary of chapter one I know I won't miss a thing.
Greetings from Germany
~ Hecate
Loved your recaps. Having forced myself to attempt to read the books for research, couldn't make it through the bad writing, and ended up skimming my way through. Wanting to slap Ana every 5 minutes didn't help. Followed a link here, and I am glad I did. Thank you for your selflessness!
ReplyDeleteI've just discovered your blog and I must say THANK YOU! Your recaps are fantastic and I cannot wait for you to get to the next two books! I haven't laughed this hard in a long time.
ReplyDeleteDream Coat!!
ReplyDeleteOh jeebus - dying laughing. Thank you for taking the bullet on behalf of the many, myself included.
ReplyDeleteBTW - hubby bought me this book as a gift. Eep... :\
Let me start out by saying that this is the funniest thing I've seen since The Oatmeal on Twilight. I was pointed to your blog by a friend. By mistake, I suspect, since most of the books I read don't have men's nipples on the covers. Or, women's nipples, for that matter; they're mostly nipple-free. (Although there was that pumpkin-with-nipples diagram....)
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, I hope you don't take offense at what I offer as an alternative reading of the Blonde Thing 1/Blonde Thing 2/ice water bit: That conversation is mostly not about water (or coats) but rather pretty normal Internet B&D porn. The word "stern" is usually a good tip-off. A deeper reading would lead me to believe that GEH, Inc., primarily produces videos that soak up an unseemly amount of the world's bandwidth. I am surprised you missed it, since the author seems to have abandoned the trowel to slather it on with a backhoe.
Of course, my knowledge of this sort of thing is purely theoretical. I haven't read these books, my knowledge of Twilight is limited to the "Pants" review, and I'm sure any exposure to the 'net would leave me completely incapable of functioning as a human being, so I never touch the stuff.
Now, if I could just figure out why anyone would want to dip anything in the perfect pair of jeans.
When "Fifty Shades" first took off, I wondered what all the fuss was about. After reading online reviews and discovering there were almost as many one-star reviews as five-star reviews, that was a big red flag to me. I was also intrigued. Why was a "novel" which was so poorly written so wildly popular? After reading comments that led to other links, I stumbled upon your blog and boy, I'm glad I did. LOL, this is hilarious! Thanks for reading this so I won't have to.
ReplyDeleteNow, I'm off to read your take on Chapter 2. :-)
Holy shit. Sorry, I meant what a load of shit. What a shitty book. What deplorably shitty writing. I don't think I can apply the word shit to this tome of mediocrity enough times or in creative enough ways. I'm sorry you put yourself through this shite for our sakes. What a brave and selfless person you are. Please do go read something worthwhile. Just reading this first chapter summary makes me want to take a cheese grater to my frontal lobe to erase any knowledge of this book and writer.
ReplyDeleteThank you for enduring this crap so that I don't have to. I seriously don't understand what the fuss is all about.
ReplyDeleteThis is hilariously great. The tie - oh, wow, that made me laugh so hard. This book has the crappiest writing on the planet. I can't believe this lady is making money off of this?! It's sickening. I can't wait to read the rest of your recaps!
ReplyDeleteLOL! The only reason I am reading it is because I got to borrow it for free from a coworker. I will use it as an example of what not todo when writing.
ReplyDeleteI read this book because every female in my family has read it and loved it. I had to see what the fuss was about. I call it a "trainwreck" because I couldn't look away. It was so. awful. I kept snarking about it the entire time I read it (though not nearly as well as you did). When my aunts and cousins asked me for recommendations for books in the same genre, I told them that I'd not only give them recommendations, but I'd give them books that blew this shit out of the water. I'm happy they've at least gotten into reading because of this drivel.
ReplyDeleteI had to re-read your comment about the colors in the lobby three times because I know I heard that line of colors before! And then my musical-nerd side kicked in and I have to give you props for the Joesph and Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat shoutout!
ReplyDeleteThat alone proves you're worth following to read through this horror show of a book. :)
But how can you forget the "Are you gay" question she asks and is brought up over and over and over again later.
ReplyDeleteThese posts should be bundeld in epub format, I would read them all in one site on my ereader. Mabey its a good thing I get tired of reading on the pc all day, otherwise I'd wast a full day reading all these posts!
ReplyDeletethis is the best book / blog i ever read!
ReplyDeletethanks for making it hilarious!
I do believe I have just fallen in love with you, so... Have fun with that.
ReplyDeleteI cried so hard from laughing that I had to stop reading and pull myself together. This is brilliant, you know that, right?
ReplyDeleteUhm I love all of this but the ... water thing was pretty obviously for a reason, just in your excerpt.
ReplyDeleteIt pretty clearly sets up the idea that all the blondes are his little SUBS and they fumble over themselves because of his power.
Ha! This is so great. Bookmarking so I can come back and read the rest :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you for the your analysis!! I read the first chapter at the bookstore out of curiosity and just could not get into it because and you stated, there's just too much damn exposition. The writing is so trivial it makes me want to pull my hair out in frustration. We really did not need a second-to-second play-by-play of all the pointless secretary crap or the the actual interview itself. It just wasn't interesting. I knew right then that the book wasn't worth buying so I'll just read the rest of your summaries as they are so much more entertaining than the source.
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, that tie needs to be made. It's like the most awesome tie in the history of ties. =P
Now, first of, I have to say I actually enjoyed these books (all the while knowing and acknowledging the truly terrible writing, the thin plot, the superficial characters, et cetera). But I'm famed for my bad taste in literature and I've made peace with that. (Oh, but I draw the line at Twilight. Funnily enough, there is a line, and Edward Cullen is it. Barf.)
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, I am enjoying this blog so, so much that I've just found myself wondering when I last laughed so hard. This is what the rational part of my brain (the part separate from its companion in charge of my bad-literature-mania) must have been thinking as I was reading. It's both amusing and amazing to find those (sub)conscious thoughts every sane person must have had while reading the books actually written down like this. Needless to say, I intend to read your take on each chapter. I adore your sense of humor already.
ok im new here im from ecuador read the three books already and i have to admit that i just love the sex parts lol...but reading this my god congrast u are so funny i was actually thinking when i read the first book why does everything crhis grey do is perfect even if its bad then i got it...it was written by a woman!! lol...real man are not like that...so edward cullen...ince again congrats big fan averseas!!
ReplyDeleteok im new here im from ecuador read the three books already and i have to admit that i just love the sex parts lol...but reading this my god congrast u are so funny i was actually thinking when i read the first book why does everything crhis grey do is perfect even if its bad then i got it...it was written by a woman!! lol...real man are not like that...so edward cullen...ince again congrats big fan averseas!!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who isn't from the United States (Mind you, when you say America, for America is a Continent, not the state I'm sure you were referring to.) I deeply resented your comment about "Americanisms" and "there is something endearing about reading an non-American author trying to capture the slang of my people."
ReplyDeleteBecause of many reasons, I don't know what type of education you have, but I'll have you know that slang, isn't just something that occurs from country to country (Which I will assume is what you meant when you said "America" -I assume you mean The United Stated OF America), in fact slang can even vary from families in the same block. It's all a matter of culture and growing up.
As I hope you know, there is no strict meaning to any slang because I assure you in many different places the same word can have many different definitions. This goes for phrases too.
I really appreciate your view and effort in writing this, and will probably proceed to read the rest regardless of my taken offense.
"So young - and attractive, very attractive. He's tall, dressed in a fine gray suit, white shirt, and black tie with unruly dark copper colored hair and intense, bright gray eyes that regard me shrewdly.
ReplyDeleteThat... is one hell of a tie. I'm going to have to ask someone, please, look into the kindness and the goodness of your soul and photoshop me a picture of a black tie with Robert Pattinson's hair and eyes stuck on it, gazing at me shrewdly."
LOVE! LOL I have yet to make it through this trilogy... I read a few pages and then have to stop. It's... well, it's sad that so many people think that it is GOOD. It's not even that erotic, if you ask me. I kept wondering when the action would start. I think I've read more titillating material in J.D. Robb. I find your summary way more entertaining. I can't wait to read more!
I have no clue how I stumbled upon this, but I have enjoyed reading this particular entry and intend to atleast read a little further. Experiencing FSoG even in this format may be more than I can handle.
ReplyDeleteI thought I would mention though, that Ana asking if she could record the interview is actually not that off the wall. I do no know how it works in journalism, but oral historians are supposed to always make sure the interviewee knows their conversation is being recorded. I have never had an interviewee refuse to be recorded, but I have had a couple of people ask that the recording be stopped temporarily so that they could tell a personal story/anecdote off the record. Asking this question is an ethical issue, and is also great for making the interviewee feel comfortable. Of course, I'm probably giving FSoG's author too much credit by assuming that this is what she had in mind when writing that scene.
Wow, you are hilarious!! I haven't read even a tiny bit of the 50 Shades books, so I appreciate the summary, but you had me actually laughing out loud several times just now! I especially love the "black tie with Robert Pattinson's hair and eyes stuck on it" bit - genious!!
ReplyDelete