Half My Genes, 1000 Times Nicholas Sparks's Ego, The Mercenary Journalism Of W.R. Hearst

Let me share with you my son's newspaper, The Neighborhood Tattler (he isn't above lifting inspiration from Diary of A Wimpy Kid, okay? Besides, plagiarism is en vogue right now):

My son is going to be nine in like, twenty-nine days. He likes to write comic books, which, as noted above, usually borrow a lot in style and concept from Diary of A Wimpy Kid and Calvin and Hobbs. He's just written his seventh comic book, and he needed an avenue in which to publicize it. On the first page, pictured above, the text reads:

Opening

The new Bedroom Inc. comix book out!

Yes the Auther of the Bedroom Inc. has made his 7th comix book and is coming to you'r home Dec. 1st (if coming). "I just want to say that it take's pride and work to make comix book's" See comix, A3

Okay. So my kid? Is awesome. Not only has he written seven comic books, he's also created his own publishing house, Bedroom Inc. It has a logo and everything. And his newspaper, that he created to publicize his comic book, has a comic section that begins on A3, and he knew that newspapers have an A3. That's amazing.

The comic, "Captan Underpant's and the atackk of the Evil mom from outer space," is again, flavored with just a dash of borrowed work. The Evil Mom looks a bit like me, yells a bit like me, and was, I am certain, an original creation and not based on anyone, living or dead. There is a page with news about cub scouts and another about the school principal. Then, buried on the very back page, is what appears to be a book section:

The Neighborhood Tattler Daily New's

Jeff Kinney's 6th book is out oh I wonder if the 7th book is RIPPED PAGE'S hm. Well that's the new's for today! Tommaror's diffrint.

I am impressed on so many levels here. Not only does he take great pains to point out that Jeff Kinney only has six books published, while on the front page he makes it clear that he has written and published seven (and let's be honest, self-publishing is a booming market right now), he also relegates the story about Kinney's book to the very last page of the newspaper and writes a pretty scathing review, even though I happen to know he enjoyed the book.

This is my son. This is why my son must be respected and feared. And this is why my son will one day have royalty checks bigger than Stephen Kings'.