You won't hear any argument here. Mark Twain is probably the greatest American author of all time (okay, third greatest, after Herman Melville and Nora Roberts). But I am pretty sure I can take Mark Twain in a fight. You know, if the alien race he returned to upon his "death" when he hitched a ride on Haley's Comet hasn't created some devastating combat technology or done away with violence all together. But let's see what happens if we put me up against Mark Twain in a Battle Royale.
Now, if you're unfamiliar with how these little throw-downs go on my blog, you can check out Jen vs. The Hoff and Daleks vs. The Borg. That should make the rules pretty clear.
Dust off your old timey mustache, Twain, it's show time.
Me vs. Mark Twain: The Battle For Endor
- Name
Me: Jennifer Armintrout Difficult to pronounce and google.
Mark Twain: Mark Twain Pleasant, ethnically neutral, not at all scary and German.
Advantage: Twain - Body of work
Me: Four novels about vampires fucking, three faery books everyone hated.
Mark Twain: You have to use the scroll bar on his wikipedia bibliography.
Advantage: Twain - Racial slurs?
Me: No, those don't really go over well.
Mark Twain: His name was what Jim? Dude, not cool.
Advantage: Armintrout - Hair Height
Advantage: I got this, dude. - Presidential connections
Me: Had my Obama lawn sign stolen twice; hold out hope of one day boning President Clinton.
Mark Twain: William Howard Taft released a statement upon Twain's death.
Advantage: Twain
Okay, so I didn't beat him. But he is an alien, and I do have bigger hair. Only time will tell, friends. Only time will tell.
You do have spectacularly large hair...but I suspect you're also an alien and perhaps not aware of it. Sadly, I don't know where that leaves your battle.
ReplyDeleteThis was the best post I have read in a long time :) Thanks for making me laugh!
ReplyDeleteP.S. I liked your Faerie books.
best post ever
ReplyDeleteAwesome post! I just have to say that I started reading your blog (at a friend's suggestion) before I picked up The Turning. I've always loved your posts, and love the Blood Ties books. I have the faerie books to be read and expect to like them as well.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laugh today! ;)
I, for one, liked the faery books. Also, at least he didn't totally blow you away. It says something when you can hold your own against Twain.
ReplyDeleteWhat about Facial Hair? He has a creepy moustache, and you don't, so YOU WIN THIS ROUND! :-)
ReplyDeleteI don't think you took this round far enough. Nope. I mean, look at how far you took the battle with Hoff.
ReplyDeleteI like your faery books! And as the person who linked to your blog over on Amazon originally, I'm sorry to have drawn down this weirdness upon you.
ReplyDeleteYou, my lady, are awesome! I want to read all of your books now. :)
ReplyDeleteI love LKH, I just do - sorry. I also happen to really love your vampire books and I liked the first of the faerie books. Money keeps me from continuing on with them, but I will attain all three eventually. I am glad that we are able to express our individual perspectives and I must add that large hair is better than no hair. Happy reading and writing to all!
ReplyDeleteI didn't hate your faerie books. Also, you're comparing your given name to his pen name. What's with that?
ReplyDelete